James O. Thach's different take on Amazon customer reviews →

February 10, 2015 |

James O. Thach is a terrific writer who specializes in a very specific brand of literature: Amazon customer reviews. For a taste of his unique approach to product reviews, take his very last one on Amazon, aptly titled “A Helmet for Oberyn”:

Whether you’re a veteran biker, a new rider, or a vengeful prince facing the Mountain in a trial by combat, I can’t stress enough the importance of proper head protection.

There are plenty of options in the helmet world, but this model has some features to recommend it. Its open-faced design allows the freedom to deliver scathing accusations. (But don’t talk too much– 80% of brain injuries occur while monologuing). Its light-weight, composite shell is virtually uncrushable. And most importantly, it includes goggles. No one’s pressing their thumbs through these peeper-protectors. You may wind up with a case of raccoon eyes, but it beats the heck out of the alternative.

The urge to go commando will always be there. But remember, whatever heroic journey you’re on, you’ll never get there without a head.