Epic piece by John Timmer for Ars:
Follow these tips, and you could potentially have a long and obscure career in science without having to deal with the messy and frustrating process of science. Long and illustrious, of course, isn't really an option, since you'll be trying to attract as little attention as possible.
With the massive R&D; budget cuts in Spain, it’s useful advice to ensure our nation’s scientific reputation is not jeopardized by the lack of any actual Science going on. Problem solved.